You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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