I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
