hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
