Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Come on in and take your pants off
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