True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
