is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
