Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
