During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
