i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
