sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
