on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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