I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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