So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
