Banned from zoo.
Again?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
