You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I smell like Dick and happiness
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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