So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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