I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
