I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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