i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
