I can text with my tongue
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
