Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
