That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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