so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
