I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
