I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
