First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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