I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize