New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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