why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
