The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Houston, we have a blender
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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