This girl is more easily done than said...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
