i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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