i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
