He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
