i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
now i know why i became what i already was.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
