I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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