he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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