So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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