I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
