oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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