I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
