I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
