Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
