yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
