do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
