life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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