he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
