1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
