Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
