look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
