well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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