He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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