ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
