someone threw a dead crab at me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
