im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
