I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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