Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
