The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I would ride that face into the sunset
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
