Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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