You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
