Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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