I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
