I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
