so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
