Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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