The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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