i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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