sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
