he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
