Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
