so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
