So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
