i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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