i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
