That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
