wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
